When I was a new professional, I'd read about helicopter parenting or hear student affairs or admission officers talk about them and nod my head in agreement. Oh yes, those helicopters were sooo terrible! Things were so bad that more terms were introduced to describe the different styles of overbearing parents. Helicopters hovered, snowplows or bulldozers cleared obstacles before they were encountered, and black hawks attacked quickly, with little provocation. Now that I'm a bit of a veteran of the college admission world, I can say with confidence that most parents are totally appropriate in their involvement in their college students' lives.
As I've been drinking my morning coffee, the Today Show anchors have been teasing a story about those terrible helicopter parents and how they are now at colleges. Now? The term has been used in higher ed circles for 15 years. Helicopter parents aren't new, but they exist in far fewer numbers than some would have you believe.
I'll be back next week with some specific examples of good and
not-so-good parental involvement in the college admission process.
For now, enjoy this video of parents dropping their Class of 2018 students off on move-in day here at UVa. I don't see a single helicopter, do you?
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Thursday, September 04, 2014
Friday, November 15, 2013
The Role of Parents in the Process
Once upon a time, there were just parents. Moms and dads were just moms and dads. Today, we have all these added titles for parents. People use helicopter, black hawk, and snow plow to describe the style of a parent.
In a recent conversation with some friends, the feeling was that there's a period in a childhood when parents are expected to be a constant advocate, intervening and managing all aspects of life. In those early years, if they aren't supervising every play date, soccer game, school assembly, and school project, they are bad parents. There's a point where the whole equation is flipped and if they do any of that stuff, they're smothering helicopter parents who are trying to control everything.
In the education world, people tell stories about over-the-top parents who blow through boundaries with students, teachers, and counselors. We all have them. There are the calls from parents who say "we are thinking about taking the SAT one more time" (hm...a team-based SAT) or "we're going to be pre-med." I'm usually a little amused. Going away to college is a big transition for parents as well as students.The verbal slips are probably a sign that the parents are still adjusting to the idea of their teenager going away.
In my opinion, most parents are completely appropriate when it comes to their involvement in the process. There are some that go a bit overboard. Here are a few areas where parents might be tempted to overstep:
1. Curating the college list
It's definitely good to have a frank discussion with students about what college options are financially viable and they might not love what they hear. Hopefully, a mutually pleasing list of schools can be compiled. Making a student apply to a school they don't want to attend is probably a mistake. First of all, even if they have the best professor in the world in front of them, if the student isn't happy, they probably won't get the most out of the experience. Second, we might get an essay like this:
2. Filling out the application
Most parents who do this will say they are helping because their teen is so busy. I would guess that if I had a look the student's text message archive or Facebook profile (but we aren't digging for that, remember), it would show that they have some time to fill out their own application.
The parents of our applicants don't seem to go to extremes, but we once got an email from a dad asking us to forgive the typos in his daughter's essays because the typos were his.
3. Following up on the application
Once an application is submitted, it's fine if a student wants to submit new information. Advocating for themselves is a good habit for students to learn, so it's always a little interesting when a parent grabs the wheel after the student submits their application. We prefer that the student email us if there is an update. They can email uvaapplicationinfo@virginia.edu to add a note to their file.
Several years ago, there was a parent whose emails were so numerous that I had to create a sub-folder and rule to funnel the messages away from my inbox. I just remembered the folder and went to look at it. There are over 75 messages in there, all from reading season. It's fine to call the Office of Admission. It's fine to email the Office of Admission. Doing that seventy-five times probably isn't necessary.
By the way, the applicant in that case was awesome and didn't need any special intervention to get our attention. The student was admitted and probably has no idea that that we were in such frequent touch with the parent.
One more time, most parents a have a totally appropriate amount of involvement in this process. I think people slap the "helicopter" label on others far more often than it's deserved. Let's stop shaming interested, involved parents with heavy equipment labels. The majority of them are doing just fine.
The parents who go over the top tend to do it in a spectacular way. They should let their students drive and take the role of a very supportive navigator on this journey.
In a recent conversation with some friends, the feeling was that there's a period in a childhood when parents are expected to be a constant advocate, intervening and managing all aspects of life. In those early years, if they aren't supervising every play date, soccer game, school assembly, and school project, they are bad parents. There's a point where the whole equation is flipped and if they do any of that stuff, they're smothering helicopter parents who are trying to control everything.
In the education world, people tell stories about over-the-top parents who blow through boundaries with students, teachers, and counselors. We all have them. There are the calls from parents who say "we are thinking about taking the SAT one more time" (hm...a team-based SAT) or "we're going to be pre-med." I'm usually a little amused. Going away to college is a big transition for parents as well as students.The verbal slips are probably a sign that the parents are still adjusting to the idea of their teenager going away.
In my opinion, most parents are completely appropriate when it comes to their involvement in the process. There are some that go a bit overboard. Here are a few areas where parents might be tempted to overstep:
1. Curating the college list
It's definitely good to have a frank discussion with students about what college options are financially viable and they might not love what they hear. Hopefully, a mutually pleasing list of schools can be compiled. Making a student apply to a school they don't want to attend is probably a mistake. First of all, even if they have the best professor in the world in front of them, if the student isn't happy, they probably won't get the most out of the experience. Second, we might get an essay like this:
This was an actual essay we received.
2. Filling out the application
Most parents who do this will say they are helping because their teen is so busy. I would guess that if I had a look the student's text message archive or Facebook profile (but we aren't digging for that, remember), it would show that they have some time to fill out their own application.
The parents of our applicants don't seem to go to extremes, but we once got an email from a dad asking us to forgive the typos in his daughter's essays because the typos were his.
3. Following up on the application
Once an application is submitted, it's fine if a student wants to submit new information. Advocating for themselves is a good habit for students to learn, so it's always a little interesting when a parent grabs the wheel after the student submits their application. We prefer that the student email us if there is an update. They can email uvaapplicationinfo@virginia.edu to add a note to their file.
Several years ago, there was a parent whose emails were so numerous that I had to create a sub-folder and rule to funnel the messages away from my inbox. I just remembered the folder and went to look at it. There are over 75 messages in there, all from reading season. It's fine to call the Office of Admission. It's fine to email the Office of Admission. Doing that seventy-five times probably isn't necessary.
By the way, the applicant in that case was awesome and didn't need any special intervention to get our attention. The student was admitted and probably has no idea that that we were in such frequent touch with the parent.
CavDog knows how to advocate for himself (especially if hotel receptionists have treats!)
One more time, most parents a have a totally appropriate amount of involvement in this process. I think people slap the "helicopter" label on others far more often than it's deserved. Let's stop shaming interested, involved parents with heavy equipment labels. The majority of them are doing just fine.
The parents who go over the top tend to do it in a spectacular way. They should let their students drive and take the role of a very supportive navigator on this journey.
Evidence that Mr. Jefferson was a bulldozer parent?
Feel free to use the comment section for questions about anything or to suggest a future blog topic.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Family roles during the application process
Someone shared a video with me the other day that lead me down the Youtube rabbit hole (when you find yourself watching way too many "related" videos). I landed on this video from a teen show that I don't know, but I think it's pertinent to what is happening right now.
There are days when almost every call that comes into the office is from a parent filling out the Common Application for a student. To be frank, I'm disappointed.
I am going to assume that the vast majority of applications are filled out by the applicants. I imagine that we don't hear from them because a) our applicants are web savvy and can figure out the Common App pretty easily and b) students are more than comfortable with hitting the "help" link when they have a problem. Adults might not feel the same way, so they pick up the phone and call us. I myself have been guilty of calling a business about an online problem without consulting their FAQs and support pages first. I imagine younger folks are apt to check the online resources first and pick up the phone only after exhausting those resources.
I'm not saying parents shouldn't be involved during application season. In fact, I think this process is a great one to tackle as a team. Adults should be providing guidance and that second set of eyes that might catch a typo or an awkward phrase in an essay. I do not think they should be assuming their child's identity online. College bound students, even busy ones, can fill out the forms. It might cut into their Facebook time over the winter break, but they can do it.
If you are headed for UVa, you should be more than capable of completing the Common Application. I also hope that you only allow your name to appear on work that is yours.
There are days when almost every call that comes into the office is from a parent filling out the Common Application for a student. To be frank, I'm disappointed.
I am going to assume that the vast majority of applications are filled out by the applicants. I imagine that we don't hear from them because a) our applicants are web savvy and can figure out the Common App pretty easily and b) students are more than comfortable with hitting the "help" link when they have a problem. Adults might not feel the same way, so they pick up the phone and call us. I myself have been guilty of calling a business about an online problem without consulting their FAQs and support pages first. I imagine younger folks are apt to check the online resources first and pick up the phone only after exhausting those resources.
I'm not saying parents shouldn't be involved during application season. In fact, I think this process is a great one to tackle as a team. Adults should be providing guidance and that second set of eyes that might catch a typo or an awkward phrase in an essay. I do not think they should be assuming their child's identity online. College bound students, even busy ones, can fill out the forms. It might cut into their Facebook time over the winter break, but they can do it.
If you are headed for UVa, you should be more than capable of completing the Common Application. I also hope that you only allow your name to appear on work that is yours.
If you have questions before or after the deadline, just post a comment and I'll reply as soon as possible!
Application forms can be tedious...but a student bound for UVa can handle it.
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